When Life Says, “Not Today”
Last week I made an unexpected trip to the ER and landed myself an overnight stay in the hospital. If you saw my post on social media, you already know some of the story, but what has stuck with me since then isn’t really the hospital visit itself. It’s the reminder that you can be doing all the things, feeling good, getting things accomplished and thinking you have a pretty good handle on life… and then life reminds you who’s REALLY in control. 😳
Wednesday night, I was sitting on the couch watching TV when my heart started pounding and doing this strange flip-flopping/fluttering thing. I’ve had the feeling before and it has always gone away, so I wasn’t immediately alarmed. Jason was sitting next to me, and I asked for his Apple Watch so I could check my heart rate. While scrolling through the apps, I noticed the ECG app and thought I’d try it. I definitely wasn’t expecting it to alert me that I was in AFib!!
I assumed I’d done something wrong, waited a little bit and tried again. Same result.
After a little discussion and, of course, some Googling on my part, we decided we should probably go to the ER and have it checked out.
It turned out the watch was right. I was in AFib.
After lots of tests, monitoring and conversations with the cardiologist, they decided to admit me for observation and some additional testing. That’s when everything became a little more real and I broke down in tears. Thankfully, I had Jason sitting right there reminding me that everything was going to be okay. He stayed all night in a horribly uncomfortable hospital recliner even though we live just a few blocks away and he easily could have gone home. I also had an incredibly kind medical team taking care of me, and sometime during the night my heart went back into a normal rhythm on its own. By the next day, after more testing and a visit with the cardiologist, I was released with medication, some follow-up appointments and instructions for additional outpatient testing.
Here’s the interesting part of this whole experience: I wasn’t feeling particularly stressed before it happened.
In fact, I’ve actually been feeling pretty good lately. I’ve been accomplishing things. I’ve been tackling projects that have been sitting on my list. I’ve been intentionally working on rest and talking regularly with my coaches, Jason, my family, my co-workers and a few close friends about how I manage everything I have going on.
I’m always behind on SOMETHING, but I’ve come to realize that’s probably just part of having a lot of really great things happening in my life. There will always be another project, another idea and another thing I could be doing.
For once, I wasn’t feeling a tremendous amount of pressure about any of it. I felt like I was doing a pretty good job. Apparently my body had some thoughts of its own.
The next day was supposed to be one of those perfectly orchestrated days that I was actually pretty proud of planning. I had everything coordinated – stops, deliveries, appointments, timing. I had figured out how to fit everything together and get it ALL done. 💪
And then I was lying in a hospital bed.
Suddenly I was canceling things, rescheduling things, asking other people to step in and trying to figure out what absolutely had to happen and what could simply wait.
Ironically, THAT was probably the most stressed I had felt in weeks. I had worked so hard to create this perfectly planned day, and in a matter of minutes none of the plan mattered anymore.
But you know what happened?
Everything figured itself out.
My family stepped in. People understood. Things were rescheduled. Things that didn’t absolutely need to happen simply didn’t happen. The world continued turning without me managing every little piece of it.
There’s a lesson in there that I’m still sitting with.
While I was in the hospital, my friends and coaches Mich & Josh sent me something about “Chop Wood.” The message is essentially about staying grounded in the ordinary parts of life. Sometimes we become so focused on the big dreams, big plans and everything we’re trying to create that we forget there is value in simply tending to what’s right in front of us. Chop the wood. Carry the water. Do the dishes. Walk the dog. Take care of the little things. Take care of yourself. Let some of the bigger things sit for a minute while life, God, the Universe – whatever you believe – has a chance to work without you trying to control every single detail.
That message probably could not have arrived at a better time.
I think there are lessons and messages around us ALL the time. The problem is that we’re usually moving so quickly, planning the next thing, solving the next problem or checking off the next task that we don’t always notice them. And sometimes, even when we DO notice them, we don’t particularly want to listen.🙋♀️
I’m incredibly grateful to have people in my life who help me recognize those messages and sometimes help me decipher them. That’s one of the reasons I’m such a believer in having coaches and having a few really good, aligned friends in your corner. If you don’t have a coach, find one. If you don’t have one or two people you can truly talk to about the big stuff, the little stuff, the dreams, the fears and the things you don’t necessarily want to admit out loud, find them too. We aren’t meant to figure all of this out by ourselves.
I don’t believe my trip to the hospital happened because I wasn’t listening or because I needed some dramatic lesson from the Universe. Bodies do things. Life happens. But I DO believe we get to decide whether we move through experiences like this and immediately return to business as usual, or whether we pay attention to what they bring to the surface.
For me, this one brought a lot to the surface.
It reminded me how quickly the things that feel urgent suddenly aren’t. It reminded me that asking other people to step in isn’t a failure. It reminded me that the people who love me will rearrange their lives when I need them, just as I would for them. It reminded me that sometimes I can leave something undone and, amazingly enough, everything will still be okay.
And maybe most importantly, it reminded me that no matter how organized I am, how carefully I plan or how many boxes I manage to check, I’m never going to have complete control over what happens next.
Whether you believe in God, a higher power, the Universe or simply that life has a way of putting things into perspective when we need it most, I think there’s something comforting in believing that we don’t have to control all of it.
Maybe the Universe really is conspiring in our favor and our best interest more often than we realize.
We just have to be willing to listen.
Even when we’d really rather stick to the perfectly planned schedule on our calendar.
I hope this message resonates with you and helps you realize that the most important task that needs the majority of your focus is YOU! Let’s keep each other aware of that, okay?
Hugs! 🤗