How to be the Sunshine

You know what’s exhausting? Always being the positive one. The cheerleader. The listener. The fixer. Sometimes, we just want to be crabby too. And honestly? That’s totally valid.

We all have days where the weight is heavy. Days when everything feels a little off. When someone says, “how are you?” and you want to scream, “I’m one unread email from a full breakdown!” instead of saying “I’m fine.”

And here’s the truth: holding it all in? Not healthy. Eventually, it erupts. (Ask me how I know…)

(Sometimes when I write these messages to you – I’m writing to myself more.  It’s exactly what I’m feeling or what I need to hear. It’s almost spooky when I go back to proofread and realize I’m smacking myself in the head with an honesty stick!)

So let’s talk real simple strategies. For being the sunshine… and for surviving the storms.

Let’s Get the Frustration Out

I like to say I’m a pretty positive person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have those days where I just need to get the junk out of my system. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or just plain done, I don’t try to bottle it up – because let’s be real, that only leads to an emotional eruption at the worst possible time and usually lands on my family, the people who deserve it the least.

I like to type it out.

You know that meme with the cat typing furiously?  That’s me.  I type the email or note I really want to write and send, I don’t worry about punctuation or how it sounds,I just let myself vent on paper. Then I print it, delete it and rip it up. And crumple it. And dramatically throw it in the trash.  It’s about releasing it. It’s my way of physically telling my brain, “we’re done with this.” It feels amazing.

I get up and stomp it out.

We’ve been told “just take a 10 minute walk, you’ll feel better”. Let’s be honest – if I get up to walk, it’s highly unlikely I’m coming back after 10 minutes, if ever!  Who really has time to go for a long walk when you’re buried in a to-do list?  (Not me!) I’ve found that literally getting out of my chair and jumping up and down like a frustrated toddler works for me.  It gets the energy out. It snaps me back to the moment. And let’s face it—Bailey and Megan probably just assume I dropped something again. But it works. Try my proven toddler tantrum workout at the bottom of this email and let me know how it works for you.

I lean on my people.

There are a few trusted souls in my circle who know me well. When I call or text and say, “I just need to vent – no fixing, just listening,” they get it. Sometimes all I need is five minutes to feel seen and supported.

Flip the Script on the Pity Party

Some days I can really get in my head and host the biggest, baddest pity party for myself.  I’ve worked on language that I have written down in a note on my phone so when I’m in that mode I can talk myself back with some grace.

• Instead of “Nothing is going right for me,” try “This is tough, but I’ve made it through worse.”
• Instead of “I’m so far behind,” try “I’m giving myself grace and working through it.”
• Instead of “I’ll never catch up,” try “I’m doing what I can with what I’ve got. And that’s enough for today.”

Setting Friendship Boundaries With Love
Being the friend who listens is beautiful. Being the friend who absorbs everyone’s stress is not. Protect your peace. That doesn’t make you selfish. That makes you whole. We all have that one friend or family member who always has a problem. She’s had some genuinely hard seasons but it’s been a long stretch of constant struggle. Most encouraging conversations with her end with “yeah, but.”

Here’s the truth: I want to help. I do help. But after the third or fourth go-round of the same situation with no forward movement, I start to feel depleted. I catch myself feeling tense before I answer her call. That’s the signal.

I try to incorporate these boundaries into the conversation.  When I do I make sure they come from a place of love and not frustration, but be prepared that they may not feel that way to the recipient.

• “Okay friend, we’ve talked about this a few times now, and I care deeply. But if we’re going to keep this conversation going, let’s start with a solution. Otherwise, I might have to tap out to protect my energy.”
• “I love you, and I know things have been so hard. I also know you’re strong and capable. Let’s talk about what’s next instead of what’s been.”
• “I’m here to have that venting moment or pity party with you—but then we’re celebrating moving onward and upward.”

It’s not mean. It’s necessary. 

The truth is, we don’t need to fake joy. We just need to believe it’s possible again. Being the sunshine isn’t about pretending every cloud is pretty. It’s about showing up with warmth when you can, and giving yourself shade when you need it.

Keep these thoughts with you as we move into the second half of summer so we don’t fall back into old ways when autumn comes.

Reminder: This is about being a little silly and a lot overdramatic. But it’s also about moving through frustration instead of stewing in it. You’ll be amazed how a little chaos can bring clarity.